Gravewalking

Quiet Mode: Gaming reflections from the pause menu from life.

I remember when I met my first foe in Elden Ring who I thought I would never defeat. It wasn’t a boss, maybe a mini boss if I was being generous to my ego, but honestly, it was just some strong knight at the top of a tower. More than a run-of the-mill Tree Sentinel, less than a full boss. Regardless, losing to this knight time after time started to feel personal. After numerous attempts, I started to consider that maybe this just wasn’t going to happen.

Not out of anger or pride — just acceptance. I knew I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t skilled enough. I’d ascended the tower with hope, and was prepared to walk away empty handed.

I remember the moment clearly. I sat in front of my screen, still. Not raging. Not restarting. Just. . . still, and maybe there were a couple of sighs. The kind of moment that creeps in when your will begins to evaporate.

And I thought: Maybe this is where the game ends for me. Maybe Elden Ring isn’t for me.